Happy one year Anniversary

I just bumped into the fact that I've been keeping a Blogger for a scoch over a year now. (Spell check is telling me "scoch" isn't a word but it has to be - we use it all the time!) Anyway for the sake of consistency and conciseness I'm reposting some of my early ramblings here so I can eliminate an old blog under an unwanted url. The ramblings are ok, I just had to regroup and start fresh because of some problems.

So here it is: Post # uno from August 21, 2006. I'll get the others listed over the next few weeks.

Monday, August 21, 2006

I've been pondering the meaning of "bemeusement" for a while now. It's one of those double edge words. The old English prefix "be" has a couple of meanings:

1. choseness such as "by" or "near". Eg. 'be-fore'.
2. an intensive thoroughness. Eg. "be-wail'.

Muse of course means to think.

And the suffix, "ment" changes the verb and/or noun (however you wish to use the word) and shows the result or product of an action'. Eg. 'refreshment'; 'atonement'.

So the question is, am I close to having a thought or am I intensive and thorough in thought? I like to think the latter applies but in all honestly must admit it's not always the case. One of the skeletons in my emotional front hall closet is a much hated nickname - "squirrel bait." I still don't think too much of the person who came up with this good natured insult. But then, I was a ditzy kid.

Sometimes I'm a ditzy adult. Now that I'm approaching 50 I can blame it on age. My Mike will tell you it's the blond highlights. (My response is that it's meant to disguise super intelligence!) Whatever the case I sometimes find myself wishing I didn't know about some things. I'd much rather have a close (impersonal) knowledge of some things than the heartache of intensive thoroughness.

But then, I'm thankful for the hours spent at the back of Subway crying with my friend who's child was arrested. I'm glad I was there to support the friend who had to flee with her children because her husband crossed the line to molest a child. These are ugly things. I find myself bemused, as in dazed and bewildered, at the idiocy and level of sinful indulgence people can get themselves into. Squirrel bait? Maybe. I don't WANT to understand!

But then I do. I was blessed to be brought up by the Word. We didn't have Awana. Shoot, I was in my teens before I even heard of Wednesday evening service! Nobody knew we were supposed to have family devotions. We went to church on Sunday Mornings and that was pretty much it. Except - every generation (at least in one part of the family) lived the Word. And we kids were taught right and wrong based on it's principals. I can't say we were raised in the Word, but we were certainly raised by it. And without exception we all dug into it and embraced it as our own as soon as we were old enough to appreciate it's impact on our lives. Even my old heathen, citified, cousin dragged his younger brother to the Cross as he approached death. The Word did it's work. The circle won't be unbroken.

But back to understanding. Prison ministry has taught me many things, one of them being that we were privileged beyond measure. Without exception all the people we minister to in the jails had little if any real anything real or good up to landing in jail. Granted, each person is responsible for their choices and their actions, yet when darkness is all you know and all you've ever known, well, walking in light is out of the question. Some just walk in deeper darkness than others. And all need the same thing: redemption, atonement, forgiveness. But for the grace of God, I could be one of the women waiting to be transferred out of a hell hole, living for mail call, abandoned by my family and trying hard to stay out of fights or worse. That much I understand. I don't need deep pondering to get it.

So - as apparently I'm starting a new blog unbeknownst to anyone but myself, I'll try to offer real thoughts. I may even play with my word. After all, the misspelling is intentional, but that's another topic for another day.